PA's guide on the road
I have been in a fair share of accidents myself both on Malaysian and Australian roads even in the past 2 to 3 years of my infant driving years. I AM a retarded driver, yet nothing pisses me off more than retarded drivers that do not share the same name as me. Admittedly, Malaysia produces a large amount of these degenerates. However, the objective of this post is not to emphasize on this retardism but to sterotype the driving behaviours of Malaysian drivers based on the cars they drive because nothing pleases me more than stereotyping and jumping to conclusions. Yes, I am a bitch, but you will come to realise that I am somehow right.
Satria GTI - Most of the drivers take pleasure in tailgating. Favourite among males below 25, the Satria GTI excels at zig zagging. However, it is often the lack of skill of the drivers that pisses me off. This considerably powerful engine is often complimented by a smaller than average brain of its driver. They almost always drive faster than they are supposed to be. Driven usually by Ah Bengs and nattans who blast their stereos, it is advisable to let them pass you and then tailgate them (if you have a more powerful car). If not, just release your accelerator when tailgated to piss them off (and then accelerate when they are attempting to overtake you).
Honda Civic - The drivers that modify their Civics often drive in the same manner as their Satria counterparts, with the exception that they are usually more skillful. Usually fast when agitated, they are nonetheless still annoying pricks. Avoid challenging one on highways unless you are confident. By all means, piss it off if in suburban areas as the Civic has a low suspension to go over bumps.
BMW 3 series - Among all, these are the ones that pisses me off the most. Driver's of 3 Series think that they are fast and superior. Often egoistical, the most insulting thing to them is being overtaken. Rarely tailgates but is often seen zig zagging. Never challenge it unless you are a tow truck driver.
Nissan Cefiro - Probably the fastest family sedan on the road. I have yet to see a Cefiro that does not go fast on a highway. Usually driven by a middle aged man (or his spoilt prick of a son who will eventually drop out of law school), the capabilities of the Cefiro's driving (both driver and car) are not to be triffled with. Almost impossible to overtake, it does have a weakness in that its enormous size hinders zig zagging. However still, never challenge it unless you are driving an Intrakota.
BMW 5 series - When a driving enthusiast hits middle age and is too old to drive a sports car or a 3 Series, he would have to look into a BMW 5 series. His speeding days are behind him (bear in mind that I did not mention 'her'. This is because it is rarely driven by a female and that I am a sexist too.) Occasionally seen at higher speeds when the driver may want to rekindle the sensations of his youth or if it is driven by his chauffeur (who probably drives a Satria GTI on his own).
Toyota Camry - A practical car driven by practical men. Worry not about this car as it is often
driven safely by a family man. I have yet to see a speeding Camry. Who the heck speeds in a Camry? Anyone who does that must be retarded.
Modified kancil - Never mess with them because the modified kancil vibrates at 80 km/h. That shows attitude and style.
Tow truck - In Malaysia, tow truck drivers beat any fast cars hands down. Able to arrive at any accident scene within 30 seconds, they seem to possess supernatural driving abilities. It is rumoured that some could even fly. You encounter it many times in your lifetime if you drive a modified car or if you are a retarded driver. Never race with a tow truck because there is no way you can win.
There you have it, I think I may have steered out of topic, but I have a cremation to go soon. Good night, bitches, and may you cum like a fountain.
The Retarded Driver's Award goes to
Admin Meditator
Satria GTI - Most of the drivers take pleasure in tailgating. Favourite among males below 25, the Satria GTI excels at zig zagging. However, it is often the lack of skill of the drivers that pisses me off. This considerably powerful engine is often complimented by a smaller than average brain of its driver. They almost always drive faster than they are supposed to be. Driven usually by Ah Bengs and nattans who blast their stereos, it is advisable to let them pass you and then tailgate them (if you have a more powerful car). If not, just release your accelerator when tailgated to piss them off (and then accelerate when they are attempting to overtake you).
Honda Civic - The drivers that modify their Civics often drive in the same manner as their Satria counterparts, with the exception that they are usually more skillful. Usually fast when agitated, they are nonetheless still annoying pricks. Avoid challenging one on highways unless you are confident. By all means, piss it off if in suburban areas as the Civic has a low suspension to go over bumps.
BMW 3 series - Among all, these are the ones that pisses me off the most. Driver's of 3 Series think that they are fast and superior. Often egoistical, the most insulting thing to them is being overtaken. Rarely tailgates but is often seen zig zagging. Never challenge it unless you are a tow truck driver.
Nissan Cefiro - Probably the fastest family sedan on the road. I have yet to see a Cefiro that does not go fast on a highway. Usually driven by a middle aged man (or his spoilt prick of a son who will eventually drop out of law school), the capabilities of the Cefiro's driving (both driver and car) are not to be triffled with. Almost impossible to overtake, it does have a weakness in that its enormous size hinders zig zagging. However still, never challenge it unless you are driving an Intrakota.
BMW 5 series - When a driving enthusiast hits middle age and is too old to drive a sports car or a 3 Series, he would have to look into a BMW 5 series. His speeding days are behind him (bear in mind that I did not mention 'her'. This is because it is rarely driven by a female and that I am a sexist too.) Occasionally seen at higher speeds when the driver may want to rekindle the sensations of his youth or if it is driven by his chauffeur (who probably drives a Satria GTI on his own).
Toyota Camry - A practical car driven by practical men. Worry not about this car as it is often
driven safely by a family man. I have yet to see a speeding Camry. Who the heck speeds in a Camry? Anyone who does that must be retarded.
Modified kancil - Never mess with them because the modified kancil vibrates at 80 km/h. That shows attitude and style.
Tow truck - In Malaysia, tow truck drivers beat any fast cars hands down. Able to arrive at any accident scene within 30 seconds, they seem to possess supernatural driving abilities. It is rumoured that some could even fly. You encounter it many times in your lifetime if you drive a modified car or if you are a retarded driver. Never race with a tow truck because there is no way you can win.
There you have it, I think I may have steered out of topic, but I have a cremation to go soon. Good night, bitches, and may you cum like a fountain.
The Retarded Driver's Award goes to
Admin Meditator
posted by Vishant at 12:41 PM
2 Comments:
bravo !!
ergh? >.<
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